Green and the Greaseball
by block mango reino
Summary: Someone extremely unpleasant asks Alice to prom. Also, there is a new style change that Alice obeys immediately. T, for some inapropriateness. dedicated to my bff who loves alice and hates her car.
1. Le Gasp!

**Author's note, disclaimer, dedication, all that jazz:**

**A/N: Hope u like this! Randomly Popped into my head while I was taking a shower!**

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I wish I did, but I have learned the hard way that when you wish upon a star, I most definitely does NOT come true. screw you pinnochio!!!!**

**dedication: To my dear friend, ALiSON PLOWY STALTSON JACOBY LUNA HOBO OGLETHORPE, who loves Alice Cullen, but despises her yellow Porsche.**

**HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEE'S THE STORY!**

ALICE POV!

I was minding my own business during French class, when Eric Yorkie didn't sit in his own seat- he sat in the usually empty seat next to me. I completely ignored him.

"So, prom is coming up in a couple of weeks," he started. I scoffed. I knew where this was headed. I quickly thought up a witty way to refuse him. But then a vision hit me. It was of Edward handing me a new set of keys. Stupid, bribing, mind-reader. I thought that loud enough that Edward would hear it two classrooms away. I guess I'll have to say yes to the greaseball.

"Do you want to go with me?" he asked, blushing.

"Ugh, fine. But only because Carlisle told me if I said yes to the first person who asked me, I could get a new car," I said in a bored voice. It didn't seem to bother him though. He was grinning ear to ear. For all I know, he could have completely not heard anything after "ugh, fine." The bell rang for lunch, and he scampered off to tell his friends, like a little girl in kindergarten. I just tried to find the good in this. Whatever. You can never have too many yellow Porsches.

I felt like driving around town. The closest thing to a brand name store in Forks is a CVS, so I stopped in there. I went to the magazine rack to look for any new fads I had missed, but a big, bold, colorful headline stared me in the face. I gasped. It read:

**LIME GREEN**

**IS THE NEW**

**CANARY YELLOW**

I rushed out of the store as fast as I could, speeding away in my SO out of style car. It is just plain embarrassing to even be near "yesterday's" color.

I didn't want to seem TOO ostentatious **(that's for you .ME)** bursting into the cafeteria, so I screamed Edward's name in my thoughts while briskly walking toward him. _EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD!!!!!_

"Not so loud! I think I have an omniscient headache!" he said, rubbing his temples for affect. Humph. Drama Queen. I gave him a hug, partially to bother him, partially to thank him for his gift-to-be.

"What do you want, Alice?!?!?" he asked. Ha, as if he, the mind-reader, didn't know.

"Um, duh much? You're getting me a brand-spanking-new Porsche! Oh, but definitely not yellow. No no no. Lime green is the way to go!" I said.

"Um, who said I was getting you a new car?" he asked me, his voice dripping with skeptical.

"I did! I saw it!" I laughed. He sighed and gave his attention back to Bella, who was nonchalantly sipping he soda. I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned back to me and frowned at my evil thought.

_If you don't buy me a new, lime green Porsche before prom, I will burn your piano and smash every one of your CD's. Oh, and I will not let you see Bella for an entire week._ He looked like he was going to cry if he could have. I smirked and walked away, knowing the bell would ring in precisely 24 seconds.


	2. Yellow Fire, Yellow Suit

**authors note: I don't feel like writing the dedication and the disclaimer. just read it from the last chapter. heres the story. yaaaaaayyyy.**

ALICE POV

I spent the rest of my classes scheming of ways to make this one Eric Yorkie's worst prom ever. I would have to wear something totally unflattering. I know! A black and white high collared dress with black jeans and just one inch heels. Oh, and definitely a lot of emo-ish dark make up. I'll have to borrow some from Jasper. I will still definitely look awesome, just not appealing. Actually, I think I'll wear tall cowboy boots so I can see over greaseball's head. It's hard to believe, but he's only a few inches taller than me.

The final bell released me from my evil pixie mode. I rushed out of school in my recently, apparently ugly car. No, not apparently ugly. If the magazine says its ugly, its definitely ugly. I sped home using the back road, so one of the police officers like Bella's dad wouldn't catch me. Instead of parking in our oversized garage, I drove out to our giant clearing of a backyard. I stepped out daintily, removing my scrunchy yellow driving boots that match my car. I lifted it above my head, spun it around a few times, and threw it precisely onto the fire pit in the middle of the grass. It burst into flames on impact. I laughed maniacally for affect. Carlisle walked up behind me.

"Hi!" I said in a normal voice.

"Why?" he asked.

"Yellow is SO out! Get with the times old man!" I explain-shouted. He walked away with an offended look. With that, I leaped into the house through my closet window. I sprinted to the yellow room. I grabbed everything in sight and chucked it onto the bonfire. Esme will be very pleased that there is some remodeling in her very near future. I smirked at the car and clothes, burning in a yellowish-tinted fire.

"EDWARD!!!!!" I screeched.

"Yes?" he shouted back.

"PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT ERIC YORKIE LOOKS TERRIBLE NEXT TO ME! I'VE MADE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOU AND HIM TO GO SUIT SHOPPING LATER TODAY!!!!" I screamed to him, wherever he was.

"WHAT?!?!?!" he asked. I didn't bother to reply. I hopped on my replacement vehicle- a hot pink Vespa. I will need some material for my astonishingly plain prom outfit. Like they say in High School Musical, "_It's gonna be a night- to remember!_"

ERIC POV

I could swear I heard someone scream my name from miles away. I didn't give another thought to it. I think I must be dreaming because Cullen just pulled up in his stupid shiny Volvo. Because of my quick wit, I opened the door just seconds before he got there.

"What do you want Cullen?" I said in a loud voice. I bet I was intimidating. He waited until he was face to face with me to speak.

"Well, Alice wanted to make sure that you didn't wear anything stupid to prom. Her words, not mine," he said, flashing a perfect smile. I thought about this. Cullen helping ME with prom? Something's fishy about this. Well, I'm not complaining if he does the buying.

"Sure, where do you want to go?" I asked.

"Oh, I have this store in Port Angeles that sells suits, and I got the whole store reserved for today," he said, practically giddy with excitement. Crazy rich people with all their money. When we got there, I saw this amazing yellow disco suit. It is so cool!

"This one!" I said, pointing like a little kid. He looked it over and smirked.

"Ok, so here's the deal. I'll get you this one, and a normal black one. You have to pretend that you are going to wear the black one, and right before prom, you wear the yellow one. Got it?" he said, but mostly commander. I nodded.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"Just do it," he growled. I put my hands up, as if to say 'What did I do?' He bought both suits with his amazing black AmEx. Wow. Two suits, FREE?

When we were walking out, I thought I heard him say, "This is so worth the price of a Porsche," rubbing his hands together.


	3. Contest!

Me: Hey there, Reino-Cullen's readers!

Alice: Cool nickname.

Me: Thanks. Anyway, I'm going through a big block of writers block.

Alice: Hey, that rhymes!

Me: Really?

Emmett: Alice is right, it does.

Me: Anyway, I'm holding a contest.

Emmett & Alice: I LOVE CONTESTS!

Me: Anyone can write the next chapter in ALL FOUR of my fanfictions!

Alice: You know you want to! Three out of four of them are mostly about me!

Me: Just email me the documents at 

Edward: Make sure it is in Microsoft Word 2003, please.

Me: Love you Eddie!

Edward: I love Bella.

Me: sigh, you'll learn.

Emmett: Whatevs!

All: Happy Writing!

Me: I will choose the best for each story. Have fun!


	4. Contest is Over, Sorry

um……… hola. bonjour. aloha. howdy. so I said there was a contest

but, within the last few hours, my life has been an empty hole without being able to write meaningless fanfics. (no life, right?)

so, I will recall the contest. if you have already started them, finish, email them to me, but then don't do it anymore.

I am sorry. it is kind of inconvenient for my beloved fans, but I am extremely selfish, and bored right now.

sorry.

ur biffle, reino-cullen.


	5. Getting Ready

**Hey y'all! A good song to listen to while reading this is "Getting Ready" from thirteen the musical.**

Eric POV

This is my one shot. Better get it right. If I can get close to the friend, I can get close to the main goal- Bella. Then maybe she'll finally realize that it's me she wants, not smart, rich, good-looking Cullen. I'm not that weird geek you think I must be. Bella, all you need is a sex god like me, not _Cullen_. Well, even if this doesn't work, I still have a chance that Alice might want to be with me, instead of that stupid Texan **(sorry Texan people)** who always looks like he's in pain.

My phone rang. _I'm a Barbie Girl, in my Barbie world. Life in plastic, its fantastic!_ God, I have to change my ringtone.

"Hello?" I asked. A smooth voice answered.

"Hello, Eric. This is Edward Cullen. Have you remembered our plan?" he asked me. Er, what plan?

"Plan?" I asked. He grunted.

"Remember, put on the black tux, and when I call you again, put on the yellow one. Got it?" he told me.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I responded, and he hung up. I changed into the black suit, going along with his plan. I wondered why, but I thought again, that family was always strange.

Hmm… I thought, looking at my hands. I should cut my nails. Immediately, I started biting at them. I looked in the mirror, and put a glob of gel in my hair. I should shave my beard, too. I plucked at the minimal amount of hair on my chin. Perfect.

The phone rang again. _Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it!_ Man, that one wasn't good either. I picked up, knowing it was Cullen.

"It's time," he said, and then hung up. I put on the yellow disco suit. It's showtime.

Alice POV **(this is while alice is getting ready, before where Eric's pov ends)**

I changed my mind about my outfit. I'm just going to wear a long lime green tee shirt and inky black leggings. And lime green converse, of course. It was perfect. Simple, unflattering, but also glamorous. Even though I wasn't going to enjoy this, I still wanted to look good.

I didn't put on any makeup. I'm naturally beautiful, so any makeup would just make me look worse, not better. I looked into my unsightly date's future to see what he was wearing. Okay, just a simple black suit. It will do, I guess. My beautiful, one and only Jazzy pulled me into a kiss.

"What's the occasion?" he asked me.

"Prom," I told him casually.

"With who?" he interrogated. "I'm not going."

"A human. Eric Yorkie," I said disgustedly.

"Um, why, may I ask?" Jazz asked me.

I laughed. "Edward's getting me a new car. A Porsche. Lime green, to be exact."

"What's wrong with the old one?"

"Yellow is SO out. Seriously, Jazz, I need to get you into the habit of reading fashion magazines," I said. He rolled his eyes. I squealed.

"What?!" he asked, worried.

"Edward's giving me the keys in 3, 2, 1-" and he strolled through the door, didn't say anything, tossed me the keys, and left. Yay!

"See you later Jazzy!" I said while running out of the room.

"Good luck!" he shouted back.

I ran to the garage, I saw my beautiful new car, with a big pink bow on top. WEEEEE!!!!! I carefully removed the bow, to use it for something else later. While I sped out of the garage, I heard someone dial the phone and say "It's time." I didn't give it a second thought.

I arrived at the greaseball's house within five minutes. I saw a limo waiting outside. Ugh. When he walked outside… all he was wearing was…

Yellow jacket.

Yellow shirt.

Yellow pants.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Edward is SO going to die.

**Did you like it? Well, tell me! All of the outfits are on my profile. Review! Virtual BROWNIES this time!**

**R-C**


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